amurrrrrican hamburgers

i have a problem with cookbooks.  this has been briefly touched upon before, but let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?  i own 155 cookbooks (the number keeps growing), but they stay hidden away in my upstairs office, out of the public eye, lest people see evidence of my secret shame.  (it could happen.  i’d be the hester prynne of my neighbournood, a scarlet copy of “the joy of cooking” on my chest…) 

i received my first cookbook at the ripe old age of 5. “the usbourne first cookbook” it was called.  and it.  was. awesome.  it opened my eyes to what i assumed was the world.  i’d always loved food, and now suddenly the lovely publishing house of usbourne was telling me how to make it??  my word…  (on a side note, i also owned the usbourne book of “how your body works.”  there’s nothing quite like learning the facts of life through cartoons of robots with extending springs.  oh my…  i'm suddenly blushing.)

so many recipes popped out of this first cookbook at wee teeny jo.  let’s take a peek at her for a tic, shall we? 

goodness.  that’s a lot of britishness for one picture.  anyhoo…  one dish that seemed terribly tempting to that terribly british 5 year-old was the recipe for “american hamburgers.”  you have to understand, to a kid in the late seventies, there was something almost exotic to this enormously large country in which i now live.  i remember opening cans of sausages and beans (though what the bloody hell i was actually eating, i really don’t want to know) and pretending i was a cowboy on the range.  i tawwwwwwked like thayyyyyys and assumed that everyone would know that i was a cowboy.  or a cowgirl.  either way. and apparently the good people of the usbourne publishing house had just as clear-cut of a stereotype.

as we now apparently know, americans not only eat hamburgers for every meal, but also wear enormously large chaps and ten gallon hats at all times.  oh, usbourne.  so come on, pardners, grab your baked potatoes and relishes and let's get crazy with some american food!!

30-years-later american hamburgers…

1lb good quality ground beef, no more than 80% lean

1 egg

¼ onion, finely chopped (not roughly chopped, or people will think you have something to hide)

¼ cup (ish) chopped parsley

salt & pepper (heavy on the pepper)

buns (i kind of like kaiser rolls)

toppings:

sriracha mayo (oh, baby)

cheese (i’ve been enjoying manchego or bleu recently)

greens (arugula, if you’re me)

maybe some caramelized onions, if you’re feeling saucy

pickled jalapenos (because i think life has an exponential "exciting curve" directly correlating to spiciness)

i shan’t insult your intelligence by giving you detailed cooking steps for burgers.  mix ingredients, gently form into patties, then grill each side for a few minutes until done.  top with desired toppings, boom.  make it your own, set it free, and it shall love you forever.  now go defy the fact that it is mid-october, grill some burgs like it’s still summer, and find yourself a robot with extending-springs to share a meal and a glass of red wine with.  done.